The Faces of HIV
Story By COSHANDRA DILLARD/Staff Writer
Third in a four-part series
The faces of HIV/AIDS come in many shades and sizes and hail from diverse backgrounds. The virus does not discriminate. While there still may be a stigma associated with the disease, those who are affected say all that matters is what happens after they contract it. That is how A.D., of Bullard, feels. A white male who grew up on a farm, he said he never dreamed HIV would happen to him. He first learned of his diagnosis in 1988 and became sick for the first time in 1995. "I never thought it would be in my circle of friends, but come to find out, it was in my circle of friends," he said. "The important thing to me is not how you catch it. It’s what you do after you catch it. I’m sure whoever gave it to me did not know they had it. You catch HIV from somebody you trusted not to give it to you."
Earlier this month, doctors told his mother her heart was failing. At 76 years old, she told her son she was going to die soon, and they shared a cry together. "I remember when I told my mother that when I was about 20 years old. I remember saying those same words. They said I was fixin’ to die. She just looked at me and said, ’I love you; don’t worry about it. It’s going to be all right.’ I looked at her told her the same thing." Today, A.D. stays motivated and is optimistic. "I refuse to accept what I’m given," he said. "One day, I know I’ll get what I want, and that’s to live like the rest of the world."
Troy Carlyle, 47, Total HealthCare Center’s board chairman, and is vocal about equal rights among the gay and lesbian community. HIV has brought him close to death, but he came out of a crisis and is managing the disease. He deals with fatigue and takes "a suitcase full of medicines" to stay alive but says it’s a small price to pay. For some, he said, the disease not only takes a toll on their bodies, but also their minds. Carlyle said some people indulge in a harmful lifestyle to alleviate emotional pain, which only creates more problems. "It either makes you grateful and you want to give back or it makes you withdraw," he said. "Some do drugs because they feel they have no reason to live. It eases the emotional burden." He, too, is encouraged, and said HIV allows a person to have a new perspective on life. "It gives you a whole new outlook on life when you wake up in the morning and you’re able to smell the roses," he said.
Ab, 67, said he contracted HIV in 1996. He is part of a growing trend of older adults who are contracting the virus. In East Texas, there are 133 people living with HIV/AIDS older than 55. That number is up from 71 in 2003. Nationally, people age 50 and older represent 15 percent of new cases, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. CDC reports also indicate that older adults may not be as knowledgeable about HIV/AIDS and do not perceive themselves as at risk. Ab said he has struggled financially, fought depression, grappled with being homosexual and fought diseases such as shingles and pneumonia. He said he has traveled a long journey spiritually, and all he wants is a little peace. "I am not ashamed of the disease any longer," he said. "It is a part of me. It took me a long time to come away with the idea that I’m not being punished. I am who I am. I have what I have, and I’m on a very spiritual path."
Rufus, 48, found out he was HIV-positive in 1999. He said he takes six medications each day and added two recently to address problems other medications caused. He said he has not lost his desire to live a fruitful life and receives support from family. "I think it’s manageable. I don’t think people should give up," he said. "Just do everything you can to stay safe and avoid any type of stress." Finding meaningful relationships has been the one problem he said HIV has caused. "You have to meet new people like yourself because if you get into a relationship with someone who’s (HIV)-negative, that’s going to be an issue," he said. "So I’ve abandoned that. It doesn’t make me feel bad. It used to in the beginning but I’ve adjusted."
"Kay," an African-American woman, contracted HIV from her husband, who received a tainted blood transfusion in the 1980s. She said there still is a strong prevalence of shame associated with HIV/AIDS, particularly in the black community. "If it was any better, I would not be doing this interview anonymously," she said. "Kay" lost her husband when he was only 30 years old. She said she watched him wither away from the effects of strong medications. "Does anybody really deserve what this illness does?" she asked. "No matter what transgressions you had in the past, I hate to see people with it. Everyone deserves to die in a humane way." So she attacked the virus with a holistic approach: healthy diet, exercise and reduced stress. Her doctors aren’t too pleased with her decision, but she said you can’t argue with results. "MD doesn’t stand for medical deity," she said. "My faith is stronger than anything they can prescribe." From the time she was diagnosed, she began writing letters to her son - who was in first grade when his father died - to speak to him at every stage of his life. As she met those milestones, she threw the letters away. So far, 18 letters have been discarded.
"I tell people all the time, ’I am going to be on Oprah talking about I used to have AIDS.’ That is a core belief that I have: to be around when they have a cure."
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